Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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