If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
