Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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