Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
COCAINE IS GR8
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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