I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
