idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
