Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
