Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
