Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
