you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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