my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
