i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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