just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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