Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
