why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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