I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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