youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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