i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
