My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize