brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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