WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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