Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
