A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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