I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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