how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
