I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
