great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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