First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
