yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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