I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
