I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
