some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
