last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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