Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
