FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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