i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
