Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
