Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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