return my video game
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
