Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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