A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
