Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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