bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
