he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
