I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
