you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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