On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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