What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Everyone says I win the strip club
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
