Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize