I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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