i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
