just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
