Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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