she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
