I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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