Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
