HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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