Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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