Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
