So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
