i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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