I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
