I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
