I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You need a sexual gate keeper
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
