so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so let's talk penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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