i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
