I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
