hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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