I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
