I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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