dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
